MY FEAR OF BEING JUDGED, NO LONGER HAUNTS ME. I'M 49 YRS OLD, CARING FOR MY 10 YR OLD AUTISTIC GRANDSON. ITS BEEN 4 YRS SINCE MY DAUGHTER PASSED AWAY. IN THE BEGINNING I THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE EVERYTHING. ALONG WITH MY HEALTH ISSUES AND MY GRANDSON DISABILITY, I HAVE NO MORE STRENGTH LEFT. I LOVE HIM DEARLY. I LOVE HIS LAUGHTER, I LOVE HIS HUGS, BUT MY BODY IS TIRED AND OVERWHELMED. I'M EMOTIONALLY DEAD INSIDE. MY MENTAL STATE DIMINISHED APRIL 26, 2004 WHEN I SAW MY DAUGHTER DEAD IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM. MY MIND COULDN'T ABSORBED WHAT I WAS SEEING, AND SOMETHING CHANGED IN MY BRAIN. I'VE LOST FRIENDS, I'VE LOST ENERGY, I'VE LOST A MAN I'VE LOVED FOR 30YRS. I'M DEPRESSED AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME. ITS HARD TO GET A KIND WORD OUTTA ME. I WANNA SCREAM, THINKING IT WILL HELP OR MAYBE CHANGE THE FEELING THAT'S LOCKED INSIDE. I WANNA HAVE SUPER POWERS TO MOVE A CAR, OR MAYBE EVEN A BUILDING,  THINKING IT WILL HELP CHANGE  THE FEELINGS THAT'S LOCKED INSIDE.....I WANNA SCREAM, I WANNA SCREAM...........TO THE TOP OF THE HEAVENS, LORD PLEASE HELP ME. HELP ME TO RE-ENERGIZE MY OLD SELF TO TAKE CARE OF MY GRANDSON, WHO HAS ONLY ME IN THIS WORLD NOW. AS TEARS STREAM DOWN MY FACE RIGHT, I WANNA DIE, BUT I CAN'T. I HAVE A 10 YR OLD CHILD, NON-VERBAL THAT NEEDS MY LOVE, MY AFFECTION, MY VOICE, AND MY SECURITY. EVEN THOUGH I'M FEELING ALL SORTS OF WAYS.....I REMAIN TO CARE FOR MY GRANDSON......HE NEEDS ME......